am in a bad mood, i wrote a really long post before and it got lost , i really hate that. i think generally though im fairly angry with life at the moment .... what mirror did i smash exactly? cos i must of done something to deserve all this shite, im fed up of it though, it IS going to change, or ill crack.

i miss everyone, i barely see anyone any more, for some reason im either sick (which is happening way way too much at the moment) skint, or going through some horrible emotional crisis. i really want to go somewhere and scream "its not fair" but then what is? it sounds so angst ridden but im reaching my limits. work is getting me down. still no payrise, promised since July, in fact actually June but that was changed to july before i had time to blink. work is crap cos there doesnt seem to be any form of organisation impacting on the chaos, it just makes me tired and fed up by about 10am monday morning. the people are ok just the job is suddenly very monotonous, maybe things will get better, maybe its just im emotionally worn out and i cant do the cheery thing that keeps me on top of it all anymore. i want to hibernate, i want to cry stamp my feet, have my own way and make it summer again, make everything the way i want it to be, have the people i love around me again and have a reason to be cheery.

i suppose that is an impossiblity and im probably too grown up for this kind of sulking. i know i sulk, it better than the alternative of being bad tempered and nasty to people. sulking i can do at home on my own without anyone else having to suffer - except you people reading this- so ill sulk.

i need to watch finding nemo again, that'll jolly me up...