it was Elaines funeral today, i made a point of looking as good as i could, Elaine was a very glamorous person :) the service was beautiful, so many people were there which is no surprise as Elaine was a lovely person and had lots of friends as well as family. we've just got back, they've gone on to the crematorium, i wanted to go too, but there was alot of people going, and it didnt feel right to over crowd the crem chapel, besides, they are a private family and i think they would only want close relatives there at such a sensitive time. i wish them well and i send my love and strength to them, its such an awful thing to go through, i dont even want to think about how i would be feeling or acting, i dont think id be coping as well as simone though. i hope when she finally allows herself to grieve (probably on her own) she knows how many people are sending their thoughts to her.

i feel odd, sat in a roasting bedroom dressed in smart black , slightly dressy clothes, with my hair done straight anwith makeup on... its a tuesday...

uuugh ive got that 'in the pit of my stomach feeling' i hate to see other people in so much pain, espcially when you know you cant really help much to ease it.